What follows is a review of my book The Mystery of Marriage by Sharilee Swaity, excerpted from her blog page. Needless to say, it’s a glowing tribute! She writes:
In a recent interview I was asked which three or four books I would take to a deserted island and chose the book The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason. When I bought this book years ago I was unmarried and read it with a sense of wonderment and anticipation. Several years later I read the same pages after marrying my husband. This time, I read the book with a sense of grim recognition. As the author described the difficulties and turmoils of married life, I nodded in relief at recognizing my relationship on the pages.
Two readings. Two very different responses. That is the beauty of this breathtaking work: it speaks to anyone on the marriage journey: to the one dreaming of marriage someday, to the old man reflecting back on a life-long relationship. Anyone connected to marriage can learn from it. In fact, Mason actually wrote the book during his engagement, as a way to reassure himself that he was making the right decision.
How to Read This Book
•Read it expecting to be blown away by both the beauty and the painfulness of marriage. Mason doesn’t paint it all as a frolicking good time. No, he is raw and honest.
•Read this book as a meditation, not a manual. Don’t expect the book to tell you what to do in your marriage. But do expect it to help you remember the importance and enormity of your decision. To help you remember your priorities.
•Read this book randomly, if you like. You can open it anywhere and find depths of truth. Each chapter stands on its own. Of course, reading it in order will make sure you don’t miss anything but you don’t need to read it that way.
•Read this book slowly, and let it sink in. It is kind of like sipping on a rich cup of tea. Savour it. Indulge in it. Allow yourself to meditate on the miracle of marriage.
A Big Tree in the Middle of the Living Room
My favourite section of The Mystery of Marriage is when Mason compares marriage to a big tree that is sitting in the middle of your house. This image has always stayed with me. Here is a snippet:
“A marriage, or marriage partner, can be compared to a giant tree growing right up through the center of one’s living room. It is something that is just there, and it is huge, and everything has to be built around it, and wherever one happens to be going—to the fridge, to bed, to the bathroom, or out the front door—that tree has to be taken into account. It cannot be gone through; it must be respectfully be gone around. It is somehow bigger and stronger than oneself.”
What an amazing illustration to the “giving up” and sacrifice that we go through in marriage. Sometimes that sense of giving is pure joy, while at other times it seems beyond our capability.
In conclusion, I highly recommend The Mystery of Marriage. Five stars all the way! I have had the book in my possession for about fifteen years and have read it three times since buying it. I will most certainly read it again.
~from a blog by Sharilee Swaity, who has written her own book on marriage called Second Marriage: An Insider’s Guide to Hope, Healing & Love.
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Rick — Thinking of you this weekend as you look death in the eye once again and celebrate the life of your sister. “I gazed into my deepest wound and was dazzled by Your glory.” -St. Augustine
I also like that book very much more than any other books. It pays you greater than you imagine!
Thank you, Rick, for this beautiful tribute to Debbie, and to our God! Yes, He is beyond amazing and will reward us again and again for every ounce of our trouble. Incidentally, my wife Karen also thinks the skull bit is weird, and we often laugh about it! But she does have lovely bones.
Mike, (thank you for addressing me by name when you responded)
The chapter on death affected me deeply in that first reading 30 years ago. My wife was a beautiful woman all the years we were married, but at 33 she was incredibly beautiful and your comments about appreciating every detail of God’s creation of her, under the flesh, the miracle of her eyes…that was quite a revelation! We laughed at first about the thought of thinking about our skulls. But I can remember countless times when I traced the lines of her face and thought of the miracle that God created as a portal of His love to me…and of your words.
He drew her to Him from our bedroom after three weeks of hospice care. I was privileged to care for her myself with the help of one of my sisters. In the last few last days of her life her cancer-riddled body, withered to 70 pounds, only made the glow in her eyes all the brighter! Every vestige of personal pride she’d wrestled with was gone and what we experienced the last few days was indescribable. She was so beautiful!
Last week the two of us (the same sister and I) again provided hospice care; this time for my oldest sister. We will celebrate her homegoing with our family this Saturday. You spoke so rightly regarding the agony experienced by families. My mother is burying her firstborn; seven of us are left, some with spouses. But we have “hurled many insults” at death…children upon children have resulted from the godly love of our father and mother. And now, one by one, we are withering and will fall.
But God is not changed. Not surprised. He is sovereignly working His plan for His glory and our good. I say this quite objectively and believe it at the core of my existence, yet my emotions often deny me the joy of His plan.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
One of my wife, Debbie’s, last words to our church was, “Let God be magnified!”
My sentiments exactly.
Rick
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Dear Rick,
Thank you so much for your beautiful message. I’m very sorry to hear of your wife’s passing. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. Young as I was (32) when I wrote The Mystery of Marriage, God in His wisdom inspired me to include a chapter on Death — I think because the looming fact of death is what brings love to its finest focus. But perhaps that is even truer after death has separated us (physically, at least) from a loved one. May your love continue to grow as you reflect on the years of your marriage, and look forward to being with your wife again for eternity!
In Christ,
Mike Mason
In the top five for me!
My wife of 46 years (high school sweethearts) just went to be with the Lord…March 27, 2017. We, too, read the book numerous times. We read it in 1987 and we read it together, for the last time, just last year. We were going through some rocky times in our marriage in back then and a friend gave it to us. IT IS A HARD LOOK AT MARRIAGE, a beautiful book on relationships…and it was very instrumental in getting us on the path of real, Christ-like love for each other. Since then we have given copies out to a number of friends, newlyweds and “oldlyweds.”
Many times when we were driving on trips across the country, we would see hawks and be reminded of the book. Now when I see a hawk, I’m reminded of her and the great gift of God she was, and still is, to me. (You’ll have to read the book to know what I’m talking about!)
One more important thing…read your Bible…it’s the best book on marital relationships!
NOTE: A little before she passed away she found out about Mike Mason’s emails and became a subscriber. I did, too. Love it…often life-changing.